We Were Never Alone
Today at work, my coworker I haven’t seen in a while, walked up to me and gave me a big hug “So sorry. Diagnosis day.” I was taken aback, as most people try not to mention days that are or can be difficult for me. I normally don’t show emotion at work (put on that happy face and all) and not much of a hugger. Yet I caught myself molding into her and really feeling her emotion toward me of how significant that day is. I truly appreciated her words and action. I began thinking about the people that surround me, that surround my family. I realized I allowed my fog and depression to blind me. I was completely aware and appreciative of everything people have done for us, but I don’t think the full depth of it really sunk in.
The friend who listened quietly while I sobbed on the phone after Madox’s diagnosis. I barely said anything. She quietly stayed on the line allowing me to cry.
My old coworkers organizing a food drive during Madox’s battle so we didn’t have to worry about cooking.
My friend showing up at midnight without me asking, to help me suction Madox as I was panicking I couldn’t get his secretions clear.
Our friend bringing a basket of food to the ICU for us, to ensure we had something on hand to snack on so we didn’t need to leave Madox.
My in-laws who were feeling helpless and broken, cooking for us and tending to Valin so Marco and I could concentrate on Madox’s care.
Blankets and pillows made from photos of our family.
Artwork of our boys, to hang proudly on our wall.
A breast cancer fighter and her husband rallying with us to bring awareness and raise funds for DIPG, all while she was fighting her own cancer battle.
A momma fighting leukemia and a bone marrow transplant but found the strength and time to join our events and even tried baking for our bake sale.
My group of friends who continually invite me to outings, and never get annoyed or angry with me when I cancel last minute.
Masters at Tactical TaeKwondo presenting Madox with a black belt for bravery during his battle.
Neighbour donating her commissions of her small business to Madox’s Warriors every September.
The many moms of children who were in Madox’s grade/class I never knew until after he died. I feel the love and connection from this amazing group, which saddens me I didn’t get to know them when I was my original self. They surround us with unwavering support.
Children we know and don’t know, donating their birthday money to Madox’s Warriors. Feeling the connection to want to help our cause.
The family who we connected with due to both our children battling brain cancer at the same time. They don’t shy away from saying Madox’s name, for fighting for our cause, and sending me uplifting messages when they know I am having a difficult time.
The repeat participants at many of our events. The list goes on and on and on.
I have always seen you, but I finally fully see you. I always thought we were alone in Madox’s fight. Now I see I secluded myself into thinking we were in this alone. I lost myself, broken and angry. I did not recognize myself, so it was difficult for me to recognize the love around us. I am feeling everyones embrace. Thank you for standing by us, and sharing your light.