Tag Archives: alwaysperfect
Today is Madox’s birthday. He should be here celebrating his 11th with us.
Our sweet little Madox joined our family early morning on March 30th. He was 3 weeks early, but full of energy. Your dad and I loved you so much as soon as we saw you. We couldn’t take our eyes off you. Even Valin, only 14 months, couldn’t stop kissing you. You completed our family and it was perfect.
You were always so happy, with that cheeky smile on you. Always helping others and treating everyone the same. You taught me how to laugh, and how to love. Oh your love, it enveloped me. I miss those arms wrapped around me. You loved us with your entire self and I thank you for that.
It shatters our hearts that you are no longer with us. We only got 9 birthdays with you. There is no sense in that. None! I wish I could be celebrating your 11th birthday with you. We hurt every day in what should be. We love you and will always miss you.
What do you say about a day that hurts? A day that is burned into memory. A day that took away so much.
So many mixed emotions. So sad and heartbroken. No new memories to be made as a family of 4. No snuggle up nights while watching a movie. No soft kisses as we say goodnight.
So very very angry that I doubt will ever diminish. Angry that cancer exists. Angry that it found my perfect baby. Angry that I truly thought we were doing everything right to prevent cancer. Angry at how naive I was. Angry at the doctors, researchers and pharmaceuticals for not fighting for our children..my child. Just so angry.
Last year today we did not hear you speak, did not see your eyes, did not feel your hugs. The day started with you in a deep sleep with the help of all the medication I had given you to help your pain. Marco, Valin and I all took turns snuggling up to you in bed. Reading to you all your favourite books. And singing all your favourite songs. Never once stopped from telling you how much you are loved and how brave you were through it all. Marco and I apologized many times as well, for not being able to protect you like parents should. All the while, staring at our beautiful amazing son who was dying right before us. And all we could do was watch.
Madox. You will always be the light of our lives. You will always be loved and cherished. You will always be our little guy who taught us how to laugh and be goofy, even when it hurts inside. You will always be…….our perfect Madox. 💙