Father’s day doesn’t seem to hold as much importance as Mother’s day. You get the idea from people that you HAVE to go over board for mom. I totally understand why people think this. Mom’s are usually the ones who stayed home with you when you were ill. Who kissed your boo boo’s all better when you fell off your bike. Who you would go to when you were sad about a break up. I kinda think that’s an old way of thinking though. Previous generations, mom were home while dads worked outside the home, sometimes with two jobs. This generation you see very involved fathers, while the mom’s are working hard outside the home as well. Both parents share work, family and house duties.

 

 

Father’s day is so important, especially to those who no longer have their dad to visit with. Those middle of a project calls, asking how to fix an error you made. Sitting at dinner listening to some terrible dad jokes. And my favourite, listening to old stories when he was young. Those times you no longer have with your dad rings louder on days that should honour him, like Father’s day.

 

 

There is those other men who feel Father’s day is important but difficult to navigate through. Those are dads whose children have died too soon. The dads who wish they had more time with their child. More time to teach them everything that is important to learn. How to shave. How to drive. Something as simple as using a drill. These missed moments scream loudly on days that fathers should be enjoying with their children. All their children. Instead, some dads, like Marco, sit at their child’s plot thinking about what the present would be like if their child was alive. No laughter in that moment. Just heaviness and sadness of missing their child.

 

 

Missing Madox this Father’s day

 

 

Madox and Valin have a great dad. He ensures he is always available and present for his boys. When they were babies, he would make me pump milk so he could feed them by the bottle. He would happily change their diapers, back to back, even if they both had poop-filled-bums. He would set up a lego day while I slept after a night shift, and the entire living room was covered in lego. It was literally unwalkable! When Madox was sick in the hospital, Marco would switch nights with me and did everything he could to help the nurses with his care. Even though he didn’t know what to do initially. He would give Madox a bed bath; help suction his mouth; and kept Madox calm during scary moments during radiation. Although those were tough days, Marco never faltered. Now Marco helps Valin with his homework; coached him in soccer; and stays present in his life. Marco even learned how to play the video game Fortnite so he can play with Valin and understand what he was talking about. Haahaa THAT was a tough one for him.

 

 

To those papa’s missing a little body by your side, I’m sorry. Wishing it was different for you all.