Everyone has something to say, regardless if they have gone through what you have gone through. Sometimes it looks like advice. Other times it looks like they are trying to “fix” you. And then there are times where this someone looks bothered and annoyed at your situation. Whether it’s after you had a divorce, your house got broken into, or someone you loved died, these people will find a way to get angry at you for feeling the way you feel. Don’t let those toxic people into your circle. Don’t let them make you feel guilty for how you feel. Don’t let them tell you how you should feel because it is now X number of days. Just DON’T!!! We can’t feed into these attention seeking people because they have no clue how it feels to be you. Everyone’s situation is different. Every loss is felt and handled differently. So no one has any right to tell you how you should be acting or feeling because that is what they did or think.

 

I have good days, and bad. Most of the time, you won’t know if I am having a bad day as I have become better at hiding it. I may not have that sharp stabbing pain in my gut and heart that I felt for a solid 2 years, but there is still pain. It is still right there, on the surface but I managed to dull it just enough to smile and laugh when I am with others. I will never “get over” losing Madox to cancer at such a young age. So don’t ask me if I have. It will never happen because every moment I am thinking of him. A familiar song plays, a nearby child sounds similar,  passing a park we frequented daily. Those will all bring back a memory of the good times we had, which in turn, brings forward the sorrow of what was. I can never be “fixed” so please stop trying.

 

So to those parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, anyone who has loved anyone and had to bury them too soon. Some days you want to die. Some days you want to hide in your closet and be left alone. Some days you want to be violent towards the ignorant who say the most ridiculous things (maybe that’s just me). Some days you miss your love so much you feel like your heart is going to explode! That’s okay. You are normal. We all go through difficult stages regardless of the time frame of loss. If you need to scream, scream. If you need to ugly cry, then have an ugly cry. Because in the end, you will dust yourself off and carry on your day. You will wake up, go to work, care for your other children and carry forward. You will not move on, but you will carry on while holding your loved one close to your heart, and always in your mind.

 

I understand. And I am sorry.

 

Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on. — Queen